Not As I Do

This morning showed me how much growing my son has been doing. And then I had to go and revert back, reminding me that age has nothing to do with maturity.

By 6:30 in the morning he was dressed and breaking in his new shoes by sprinting around the hallways of our house. The house is built in a way that allows for walking in a circle from our kitchen to the front hallway to the front room, dining room and back to the kitchen. Repeat as many laps as your race allows.  

He accepted my help when pouring cereal. I felt like he was waiting from me to get ready and get out the door as he played with coloring sheets. Wow, quite a role reverasal for your average morning. 

Then I started to nag on him. “Five minutes and it’s time to go.” Over and over as I counted down the minutes into a set of closed ears attached to a head and body that would much rather stay home. Yes, I would rather stay home today, too, but there are concequeces. Like lack of money. 

I huffed and puffed as I made several trips with bags to the car. And then he screamed when I went to help with shoes. The type of scream that touches the damaging decibel level. I told him that I don’t appreciate the screaming and left the scene that developed into tears. And here we are, once angry dad and one crying pre-schooler. 

It ended with me carrying him to the car and driving to pre-school solemnly. Thankfully, my four-year old is an example of forgiveness. As Christians have been taught to pray, “Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us.”

The drive to school involved the cloud of my faults hanging over the car. I worked to explain to him my apologies. I know he moves on easily. My adult human mind gets in the way and can hang on to things that happen to me. The biggest challenge for me is to forgive myself.

Because I’m at fault by nature. Some call it sin. Some call it selfishness. Call it what you will, I want to be forgive, so I continually work to forgive others.

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